Alayna's Story: "I'm worried about commitment."

I was married to a man who did everything in his power to hurt me mentally, financially, physically, and sexually. I was with him for 13 years, and he was a great husband until the last couple of years. He changed.

I educated myself and started a business, and he tried everything to stop me. It seemed the better I did business-wise, the more controlling he became.

He started not paying bills. Withholding sex. Ignoring me. Calling me names. One night, I woke up to him yelling at me at 3:00 am. He had a knife hanging on the bedroom wall, with a 10" blade. I woke several nights to being hit. He said he was sleeping and didn't know he was doing it. He scared me.

I stopped sleeping in the room. I found porno books around the house. I asked him many times not to leave them laying around, as I have a six-year-old son, but he did it anyway. So I had to keep checking to make sure nothing was around that my son would get into.

I proceeded into my business, refusing to give up, and he got more ugly daily. It ended after a 911 call to police, when he threatened to smash my office equipment, and hurt me.

I got an order of protection and had the police remove him. My divorce was final last year.

I didn't realize that I was suffering from PTSD until I talked with a friend who is a psychology technician.

I am dating a good man now. He took me into a jewelry store just to look. I was so stressed out, I wouldn't look at anything, and stayed back. All I wanted to do is leave.

I didn't realize I am worried about commitment.
I didn't understand what was going on, why did I react that way?
I don't like the feeling I had at all. 

Even after this long, the emotional wounds haven't healed.  I am currently in counseling, and pray I will return to the person I was prior to suffering through the abuse.

 

Nicole's Story: "My life has done a 180."

After an abusive marriage and an equally terrible divorce, I took my children and left everything to move to Tennessee from Indiana for a fresh start.  I honestly had no clue what I was going to do once I got here, but I knew I needed to leave for my safety and sanity. Leaving my ex-husband was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done in my life. By the grace of God, I found a townhouse and a job pretty quickly, but my kids and I slept on the floor because I couldn't afford furniture. We ate oatmeal for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a good two months. I walked to work in the heat of summer, and my kids stayed at home sometimes with no air conditioning.  My ex-husband was furious that we left town and made it his life's mission to make my life more miserable. He stopped paying child support and started bullying me through court proceedings since he could not easily physically harm me.  The breaking point was when, one afternoon, my engine blew up on I-65 with my five-year-old son with me.  I'd been saving my gas for times when I had to take my son, who has special needs, to his doctors’ appointments.  I was desperate and suicidal, but I had to keep myself together for my family. During this time, my water service was disconnected and I just couldn’t live with two kids and no water, food, or transportation.  I called every social service organization I could think of, begging for help. The city alderman took me under her wing and gave me the name and number of Bridges Domestic Violence Center.  Bridges gave me tons of ideas, references and words of encouragement.  They even loaned me a car to get to work and to my son's doctors’ appointments.  Now, because of their kindness, my life has done a 180. I have been able to get myself back on track and to show my children that random acts of kindness, big or small, can completely change the course of people's lives.  
 

Amy's Story: "Bridges helped me find myself again."

“Time went on and I’d get hit, grabbed, and thrown against the wall. I was called stupid and retarded, constantly. And even names I cannot say. He was very hateful. I got to a point to where I would check the blinds every ten to twenty minutes to see if he was home. I’d call his job to see what time he was expected to be home, so I could have the house ready for his inspection. I lived in a state of fear, not knowing what type of mood he would come home in. The children and I weren’t allowed to talk to him right when he came home because he had a stressful job and he needed to unwind.

The final straw for me was a fight we had where he hit and kicked and hurt me in front of my then seven-year-old son. The fear in my son’s face was awful.

I was told about Bridges.

All of a sudden I had the best support system and friends and people who cared about me that I ever have had. They talked to me, and listened to me, which no one had really done in a long time. They fed and clothed my children and me and were there for every tear. I attended group once a week where we discussed our problems. We had a psychiatric nurse there on Monday nights for one-on-one counseling. I know if I hadn’t had Bridges I would have gone back to him. I learned to ride the trolley to get to work and to the store and got back some of the old me. I actually would laugh and have fun. My children, even though they left everything, were happier and loved the shelter and our new life. Bridges helped me find myself again.”
 

Dan's Story: "I didn't think anyone would believe me."

When I left home last year, I had suffered numerous brutal physical and verbal attacks from my wife and was afraid to leave our six-year-old son at home while I worked.  With nothing more than my truck, son and the clothes on our backs, I abandoned my old life and ask the courts for help to keep my son safe.  At that time, I had no means of support; my wife and I owned a business together, so I also had to walk away from my only source of income.  My attorney referred me to Bridges Domestic Violence Center.  I called with much embarrassment and apprehension.  I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me, because I thought they only helped abused women. Much to my amazement they met with me, rented us a hotel, provided supplies to live on and toys for my son.  They also gave me restaurant coupons, cell phone and movie passes so I could keep my son entertained.  They referred me to counseling services and helped me pay for them until I could get on my feet.  The court advocate helped me file an Order of Protection, and my attorney helped with emergency custody orders.  In just two weeks, they had helped me find transitional housing and helped me get my son settled in school.   I am so grateful Bridges was there to help me and my son in our time of crisis; I don’t know what I would have done without them.  Today, I am working, and I have a home and a son that is well adjusted, I can’t imagine where I would have been if not for the help we received.  I can only hope that my story will help someone else see that putting up the abuse is not your only option.

Eileen's Story: "It was like I was a thing, his property."

When they were first married, she had worked as a registered nurse but after their first child was born, she wasn’t allowed to work or to leave home.  “He was insanely jealous.  It was like I was a thing, his property, and I belonged to him,” said Eileen.  Physical abuse and isolation followed.  She tried to keep it from her kids.  Many years later, with her children grown, she still was only allowed to see people her husband let her see and only talk to those he let her talk to.  She was a prisoner in her own home.

"Finally, the abuse reached a breaking point, said Eileen. “Either he was going to kill me and most likely himself, or I was going to kill him and then myself.”  An attempt at suicide brought help from the sheriff’s office.  “I was kept at a facility for the weekend.  A doctor who saw me mentioned the domestic violence support group meeting at Bridges.” 

At Bridges, we work with law enforcement—staff responds to the scene of an assault and offers immediate support, education, and networking with other agencies.  Eileen began attending the group meetings and someone suggested she needed to stay at the shelter.  Reluctant but beaten, she agreed.  Upon her arrival at the shelter, she was depressed and withdrawn.  With support, Eileen began studying for her return into nursing.  She also began working on projects at the shelter.  There, she could meet people in a safe setting, and by associating with them she slowly began to rebuild her self-esteem.   Today, Eileen is again a registered nurse, owns her own home, and is now independent.  “This is the real me…this is who I really am.’  I have to keep on reminding myself where I’ve been and what I’ve achieved.  I love what I’m doing.  Bridges Domestic Violence Center did this for me.”