Alanya’s Story, “I’m worried about commitment”
I was married to a man who did everything in his power to hurt me mentally, financially, physically, and sexually. I was with him for 13 years, and he was a great husband until the last couple of years. He changed.
I educated myself and started a business, and he tried everything to stop me. It seemed the better I did business-wise, the more controlling he became.
He started not paying bills. Withholding sex. Ignoring me. Calling me names. One night, I woke up to him yelling at me at 3:00 am. He had a knife hanging on the bedroom wall, with a 10″ blade. I woke several nights to being hit. He said he was sleeping and didn’t know he was doing it. He scared me.
I stopped sleeping in the room. I found porno books around the house. I asked him many times not to leave them lying around, as I have a six-year-old son, but he did it anyway. So I had to keep checking to make sure nothing was around that my son would get into.
I proceeded into my business, refusing to give up, and he got more ugly daily. It ended after a 911 call to the police when he threatened to smash my office equipment and hurt me.
I got an order of protection and had the police remove him. My divorce was final last year.
I didn’t realize that I was suffering from PTSD until I talked with a friend who is a therapist.
I am dating a good man now. He took me into a jewelry store just to look. I was so stressed out, I wouldn’t look at anything, and stayed back. All I wanted to do is leave.
I didn’t realize I am worried about commitment.
I didn’t understand what was going on, why did I react that way?
I don’t like the feeling I had at all.
Even after this long, the emotional wounds haven’t healed. I am currently in counseling and pray I will return to the person I was before suffering through the abuse.